A15

By Dr Renate Volpe

The study of human behavior is never ending, stimulating, exhausting and exhilarating.

Someone recently said to me how very tired she was of the negativity pervading our dear country. She said if only everyone was just five percent more positive what a difference that would make. Half seriously I suggested that she have one of those rubber bands made saying : “5 percent more +”.

Our conversation got me thinking about my own resilience over a lifetime of lessons, knocks, experiences, serious illness, living with chronic pain and yet now as I turn fifty experiencing a wonderful quality of life, and daily attempting to do right, be grateful and live in the moment.

Resilience for me has always been and remains the ability to:

Accept that I will make mistakes.
To stop and take responsibility for them.
To say very loudly to myself “what have I learnt from this?’
To see the message in what is happening.
And always, always to come home to my inner self, and ask how this fits with:

It is the contradiction of these very principles it seems that creates confusion and growing pains in the people I coach.

Too seldom do people have the capacity to see what is happening to them as a message to them, about their own lives.
They focus on the behavior of others, who have positions more powerful than themselves.
They are reacting to what they perceive to be happening to them.
They spend their time working out how to control others, and the environment and end up feeling helpless and out of control.

Some basic guidelines for resilience are:

You cannot control others.
Trust is not something given, it is earned.
People tell you how they intend behaving towards you.
(How they have treated others before you, will probably over time apply to you, too).
They most critical question is “Who are you and what do you want?”.
Your emotions are your compass, listen to what you feel and you will receive a continuous flow of information, which when processed, will tell you exactly what you need and want, or don’t need and want.

The toxic world of work promotes a total disconnect for people between who they think they should be, and who they are. This results in stress, distress, loneliness, anxiety, and confusion.

We loose our sense of self as we focus on:

adjusting to a materialistic, pleasing, power hungry culture,
which connives to disconnect us from our own truth,
whilst pursuing elusive prizes of position, power and prestige.

The latter sadly, most often do not deliver on the meaning and purpose and sense of self, envisaged, striven for or hoped for.

A combination of life experience, wisdom, skills, insight and intelligence can take us to a place in life where we can live our own truth and survive in the highly political environments we work in.

It is all about knowing who you are.
Accepting that politics are part of the normal flow and ebb of an organization.
Understanding the context you find yourself in.
Branding and positioning yourself.
Framing your message to the receiver.
and timing timing timing.