By Dr Renate Volpe

Measure the worth of your day.

We all have needs. These needs drive our behavior and are instrumental in making us whom we are. A most common human need is to be in control. The need for control stems from a deep rooted fear of chaos and the unknown . In an extreme form it manifests in perfectionism. Perfectionism stems from a deep sense of chaos and perceived lack of control internally. In an attempt to cope with this, the focus is pushed away from the inner self, to the outside environment - ever hopeful that, by imposing order on the outside environment, one will feel more in control of, and on top of ,life at large.

Examples are endless, from the housewife requiring a spotless home, to the executive dressed to perfection, to the exercise addict, to the extremely underweight and eating disordered teenager, to the cosmetic surgery addicted person.

A thought for those of us pursuing perfection:
“When one pleases all people , all one has achieved is mediocrity!”

In essence, the real truth is that we are all busy with ordinary mundane lives, and are simply doing our best.

How then do we determine that each day has been worthwhile?

At the end of each day you can simply ask yourself the following six questions:

1. Did I have something to do today? Often we complain about having to work, yet work is essential to life. Only those who have gone without this form of sustenance for the ego, the soul, and material needs for any period of time, will know how essential this form of occupation is, to the definition of self.

2. Did you achieve something? This can extend from clearing your desk of administration, to attending to your e-mails, to responding to phone calls, to addressing an international conference, or succeeding in closing a union negotiation, or finalizing a sophisticated share-scheme process.

3. Did you enjoy something? Critical! but too often forgotten. If you work from home did you spend some time tending the garden or playing with your youngsters? Based in an office? Did you go to the gym during lunch, or on your way home? Did you manage to read a chapter of that good book you are enjoying or, watch a favourite TV program or the sport channel? Did you manage a brief coffee with a friend, or spouse, or colleague during the day? Or did you simply take fifteen minutes of silence on the balcony, or behind a closed door?

4. Did you make a difference, for the better in someone’s life today? On the way to work, did you share your lunch with someone less fortunate than yourself, perhaps a beggar on the side of the road? Did you extend your network on someone’s behalf and make an introduction that would assist them. Did you share an innovative idea generously with your colleagues ? Did you listen with empathy to a friend , or colleague sharing a life story? Did you hug your kids today, and tell them how special they are? Did you thank your spouse today, for chores most often taken for granted?

5. Were you part of the solution? This week proved to be a frustrating week for me. I had my cell phone stolen, whilst my car was being serviced at a high profile service provider . The providers service staff, displayed minimal interest and concern at best. Replacing my sim card turned into a nightmare of relentless phone calls, to one of the major cell phone providers lasting four days . It seemed to me that everyone I spoke to had an “employee mentality”. The thought pattern tatood on their foreheads stated” It’s not my job, let me pass this problem down the line”, or they made some call centre rehearsed ‘unthinking statement’ ,or if I was lucky, communicated meaningless platitudes. My sense of frustration with humanity escalated and I understood that with such a victim attitude to our lives, no wonder SA crime statistics are out of control. We cannot all afford to be observers, not taking responsibility and passing the problem down the line. We each and every one of us have to choose to be part of the solution. So may I suggest that we see all people as individuals with concerns, that we put ourselves into their place, walk a mile in their shoes, and try and make their day somewhat better. Their gratitude will fuel our day. We need to take it further though, we need to take a stand and do what is right, turning a blind eye, taking the easy way out, rationalizing that our actions will not make a difference, is simply not good enough. We need to report that crime, call the police, and black list that phone.

6.Did I touch base with my unique reason for being? Are you doing what you were meant to do with your life? Did you live your truth today? The more closely you live your life according to your unique set of gifts the more meaning and purpose you will experience. Conversely, the further your daily life is lived from your unique purpose and what you consider to be important, the more stress and distress you will experience. So remind yourself daily of your unique life’s purpose . For those of you who need a reminder of what gives you meaning and purpose, zest for life and makes you tick, simply answer the following questions:
1. If I was given three wishes what would they be?
2. If someone threatened to kill me, unless I could give them three reasons for wanting to live, what would my three reasons be?
3. If I had three months to live what would I do with the time I had left?
4. When I die how do I wish to be remembered?

We too often say that certain things matter to us, yet we become distracted and focus on less important things. An example would be saying how much we care for our families yet we find ourselves leaving home early and returning late. The answers to the above four questions will provide for you , a gentle reminder of sometime forgotten and neglected, but essential personal priorities.

Dr Renate Volpe is a leadership coach, key note speaker, author and facilitator.

For enquiries please e mail Dr Renate Volpe, CEO of HIRS at Renate@hirs.co.za or call 011 455 0769 / 083 273 2687.